Welcome to Hell
by River Constantine
Summary: this one is more focused around River, but there is some friendship moment between River and Reid... Rated T. Things go downhill.


Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, and am not making money off of these stories.

Welcome to Hell

It had been two months since River started at the Behavioral Analysis Unit. She had felt at home with the other team members within the first month. They weren't treating like she was new anymore. She was one of them, and it felt good. The team worked well together. River could tell, when she first started, that Hotchner was wary of his new team member. He always handpicked his team, but he didn't pick her. She was thrust upon him, like Agent Prentiss, and even though Emily had worked out, he was still uneasy around River at first.

Even though her life was practically going perfect at the time, River was still struggling. All the time. Every waking moment of the day, River thought about escape. From what, she didn't know. She just needed to escape. Even though she was struggling, she hadn't given in, yet. She didn't want to risk her job. At least now, she could fight the urges, the cravings, but God only knew how long that would last. And she didn't believe in God. It was illogical.

Today was just like any other day, at first. She woke up to her alarm, and groaned. She hadn't been sleeping well, because of the dreams. All of her dreams were centered around the morphine, and it wasn't helping. She had gone through her morning routine as usual, and was walking out the door thirty minutes later. She took two steps and turned. Just like every other morning, she opened the door to the apartment next to hers, and walked right in, without knocking.

"Spence?" she called.

"Be right there," she heard from the bedroom. A minute later, Spencer Reid walked out of his bedroom, and smiled briefly. Until he saw her expression, that is. "What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Nothing. What makes you think something's wrong?"

"You look upset, almost unhappy. I've noticed your mood has been a little off lately. It just showed more just now than it has." Reid was curious and concerned. River was his best friend. If something was bothering her, he wanted to help. Ever since her first case, when she found out the he was a recovering addict, he had been watching her, gauging how she was doing by her mood and behavior. She hadn't even asked him a single question about it. It was almost like she had forgotten. But River hadn't forgotten. She was scared to admit it was almost too hard for her. Almost, being the key word.

"I just haven't been sleeping well. Maybe that's what you are seeing. Either way, we need to head to the bus, or we're going to miss it." She was improvising as she went. She didn't want to have this conversation. Not now. Not when her struggle was so close to the surface. Her eyes were starting to fill with tears, and she turned towards the door, in an attempt to hide that fact. The need to escape returned with a vengeance.

"Okay, let's go then." Reid grabbed his messenger bag, and started walking toward the door.

* * *

The day went by normally. Nothing out of the ordinary, really, work wise. Hotch noticed that River seemed a little out of character, off balance. When the team was taking a break for lunch, he decided to check on her.

"River, wait a second."

"Yes, sir?" she asked.

"You seem a little off today. Is everything okay?" He was concerned, worried that the job may be getting to her. He had no idea. No idea. Why would he even think it was anything serious?

"Everything's fine. I haven't really been sleeping very well, but overall fine."

"Is the job getting to you? We see a lot of horror every day. It's normal to…"

"I'm fine. Really. I just need a good night's sleep," she said, and turned and walked out of the conference room to the bullpen to grab her bag. She headed out to lunch, but she was thrown off. That was twice today. What the hell?

* * *

As River was walking from the bus to Subway Sandwiches, she suddenly realized what part of town she was in. She was alone, having ditched Reid at work. She looked around, suddenly a little anxious. This wasn't the best part of town, but it definitely wasn't the worst either. Across the street from Subway, there was a man standing at the entrance of an alley, leaning against the wall. He was just standing there. She knew that look, the "I'm up to no good" look. Before she could even think, she was jogging across the street, and started walking straight up to the man.

"Can I help you with something, miss?" he asked, sizing her up.

"Any chance you have some morphine?" she said quietly, not looking him in the eye.

"Ya. I just happen to have some of that. Needles, too?"

"Yes. How much?" River asked.

"Depends on how much you need…"

"Two phials, plus the needles if they are still packaged."

"One time deal… $100. Needles for free."

"Deal." She pulled her wallet from her bag, careful to not open it too wide, so the dealer didn't see her sidearm or badge. She pulled two fifties from her wallet and calmly handed it to the man. In return, he pulled two phials and a pack of ten needles, individually packaged, from his backpack, and passed them to her quickly. The deal was done, and River jogged back across the street to the Subway.

She had no clue why she just did what she did. She wanted to use, really wanted to use.

River ordered her sandwich, and paid, ate quickly, and started walking back to the bus. The guy was still standing at the entrance of the alley. He saw her looking his direction, and nodded at her. She kept walking.

The bus arrived as soon as she got to the stop. She hopped on, paid her fare, and sat down. She looked in her bag, just to see the phials and needles. It was then that she noticed a piece of paper taped to the needles. She pulled it off, and out of her bag. All it had on it was a phone number. Instinct kicked in, she programmed the number into her phone, under the name "escape".

* * *

The day was finally over, and River and Reid were sitting on the bus on their way home. Just another normal day at work.

"What are you thinking about? You look preoccupied." Reid's concern was evident again.

"Nothing, just ready to relax and go to bed. Might actually be able to sleep tonight. I'm exhausted," River replied.

"Okay." Reid obviously didn't believe her, but he didn't press the issue. He had noticed her turn away in the morning when he questioned her, and didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

They got off the bus, and walked home, said goodbye at their doors, and went into their respective apartments. Reid was still worried, but hoped she would talk to him if she really needed to.

* * *

River was sitting on her bed, with a belt tightened around her arm, and the syringe filled with 50 cc's. She didn't even have to think, her arm was going numb as she stuck the needle right into her vein, and injected the morphine. She loosened the belt, and laid back, with her head on the pillow.

She was high, once again. As she drifted off to sleep, she only had one thought.

*Welcome to hell, River.*


End file.
